Thoughts from a well-to do kid

I’d like to make a disclaimer that this isn’t a form of boasting or anything. It’s probably going to come out that way for some no matter what I do, but I’d like to talk anyway.

As a child I grew up thinking that I was in the middle class bracket of society. And I had reason to think so. I grew up in a house in the streets with sari-sari stores and street kids playing on the road in a basically polluted area. My parents didn’t live in their own house; we were living under my grandmother who had owned this house for years. From what I heard they used to share that house with other tenants but in the end it belonged to them.

My only form of travel was out of town, and the only time I experienced riding a plane was whenever my parents sent me out to the province to see my grandparents. 

Growing up I started to learn that I was doing relatively better than others, but I refuse to go into detail on that account because the statement alone sounds embarrassing and ignorant in itself. I had always just believed that my parents were stingy with money, and I did pick up on that trait. I didn’t start going out with friends until I was about 13, and I only went to the malls when I was with my family or when I had to buy something. It never occurred to me I could go there simply to be with friends.

In high school the “rich kid” brand name haunted me. While my father loved to flaunt his influential status by buying expensive things, I was scared what the others thought of me. I didn’t want to get picked up because I wanted to fit in with the rest of the crowd by learning how to commute. I would dress simply just so people wouldn’t think I had money. I also hated it when I would get picked up by some fancy car because it got too much attention. 

I didn’t mind not having too many friends, but I didn’t want to let others people think I was above them just because of financial status. I wanted to be friends with people BECAUSE I liked being with them. Whatever incentive from the friendship I received was a bonus. Likewise, if I could help out a friend because of what I had I would and not because I treated anyone like some charity case but BECAUSE I wanted them to be happy. I seriously hope I never gave that impression, but the thought does bother me from time to time.

In college the slate was cleared and I didn’t have to worry so much about the label. I was pretty low-key with my family life unless asked. Nobody treated me any differently. People had no idea who I am and that was fine. Sure some close friends had learned about my life and pointed it out to me, but other than some side comments I chose to ignore everything was okay.

It wasn’t until I started to work that I felt…really sensitive on the issue.

I forgot the point of this post again.

God damn it.

I guess I just wanted to say, I don’t want to be treated any differently. 

 

Self-pity Post

Sometimes I feel like I haven’t achieved anything.

And I hate it.

Plans for 2012

Back on this blog!

Happy 2012! Now that it is a new year I decided to check if I managed to fulfill my goals. I placed there here so when the year ended I can check if I actually did it.

Here’s what I placed last year:

1. Learn Nihongo and pass the JLPT this December!

2. Travel as much as possible! I hope to go with my parents to Thailand in March and maybe Hawaii! My targets are also Australia and Malaysia.

3. Read more books

4. Finish more video games.

5. Learn to look decent in photos.

7. Love myself.

 

NOW DID I DO THEM?

1. As promised I DID take formal Japanese lessons and I DID take the JLPT this year. However I found out that I will only find out my results in March of 2012. So as to whether I fulfilled it or not is a little vague. HOWEVER, because I dedicated my whole year to doing it I will reward myself for being awesome. ^_^

2. Unfortunately, a lot of my travel plans did not push through this 2011. The Hawaii trip was cancelled, I backed out in my Jakarta trip and I didn’t go to any new countries this year. I however pushed through with my Singapore trip in November to go to AFA and then I went to Hong Kong for New Year! Not bad.

3. According to my Shelfari account, I read 10 books this year. I read the same amount of books in 2010, so at least I broke even. Or I may not have listed them all. Haha, still, CLOSE ENOUGH (Since some of my books have just not been finished yet XD)

4. With my job and all, I’ve managed to play the following: Catherine, Dead Island, Bioshock, Bioshock 2, Valkyria, Chrono Cross and so much more. I think I did pretty well for myself. ^^

5. YES. FULFILLED. I’m starting to look pretty good in photos now. It helps that I’m not as annoyed to placing make-up as I was before.

6. I think I love myself a lot, that I don’t give a crap for others sometimes. I think I’ve become quite selfish actually. YAY!

So what’s the plan for this year?

1. Continue with Japanese lessons and take N4!

2. Read more than 10 books this year! (Already reading the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo)

3. Like always, learn something new this year! Be it a new sport, instrument, or a skill. Learning is good!

4. Make new friends. I think I’ve been having a hard time socializing, so I need to make sure I try to open my social circle.

5. Get a new laptop that can support computer games. (Seriously man, my current laptop sucks)

6. Write at least 5 stories this 2012. It can be those stories you get out of the blue OR related to my current project: BnT.

7. Decide whether I want to take masters for 2013. This means I need to go look for schools…AGAIN. And courses I want..AGAIN. Good luck to that.

OKAY LET’S NOT MAKE IT TOO DIFFICULT. Let’s see if I can pursue it this year!

 

Blast from the Past- Daria

3 years ago I remember being in my empty room with almost all my things gone and to keep me sane I would watch every episode of Daria.

Actually, Daria was a show I recall seeing as a kid back in the 90s on MTV. I actually cannot remember how early it was before I watched it, but I am pretty sure in a short span of time I came to like her. A LOT.

And I didn’t realize it, but Daria was the person I grew up to being throughout my teenage years. Her personality was a major influence to how I was in the past (And sometimes in the present). I didn’t totally understand the full humor back then, but as early as a kid I loved her character.

So anyway, my sister finally started watching the series again and she loves it just as much as I do. It’s amazing how this tv series is more than a decade old and still is funny AND relevant.  I have difficulty trying to sleep early during the times she’s watching it because I can’t help but laugh at the dialogue.

I related a lot to her character and I didn’t realize it until I was in college. I was the Daria of my life, while my sister was Quinn. She believed she was beautiful, tried to stay pretty, and sometimes I just didn’t like her. My childhood friend of 17 years was Jane Lane, who was my best friend throughout most of my life and if it weren’t for her I’d be a solid mess. I’d also like to add that there was a phase in our lives that we ALWAYS had pizza.

In some ways, my other high school friend was also like Jane Lane, because she could always try to fix my issues with her sense of humor.

I don’t recall having a Kevin or a Brittney and the like, but high school in general always made me fee socially awkward. I wasn’t as girly as my batchmates back then and I could only stick to a limited number of friends or else I’d just feel weird.

I also didn’t have a Trent or a Tom…well, it actually depends on how you look at it. I suppose I may have had a Tom, only not as cheeful as the man in the series. And I can think of a couple of people who could have been Trent but only came around later on in life.

…This seems silly, but oh well.

Anyway, the point of this blog post was to remind myself that Daria was one of my favorite tv shows in the past, and I’m glad that I still can laugh at it to this day. The writing was hilarious and I loved the character development. I don’t know if I’ll be seeing a show like this any time soon.

At King’s Cross Station, leaving Hogwarts for Good

SPOILER ALERT (and lots of emotions)

So I planned to watch the last Harry Potter movie this weekend with people, but I found out that my other set of friends had an extra ticket today. It just so happened I was sick the day before and decided to take a leave while the work was low.

I knew it was going to be the last, and being a loyal reader to the series I already knew what was going to happen and I have nerves of steel so I knew I wasn’t going to break down.

As long as you love me…

The song is stuck in my head, given that this was the song that was played live in someone’s birthday party.

I realized how very close this is to my current situation

Although loneliness has always been a friend of mine
I’m leaving my life in your hands
People say I’m crazy and that I am blind
Risking it all in a glance
And how you got me blind is still a mystery
I can’t get you out of my head
Don’t care what is written in your history
As long as you’re here with me

Chorus:
I don’t care who you are
Where you’re from
What you did
As long as you love me
Who you are
Where you’re from
Don’t care what you did
As long as you love me

Every little thing that you have said and done
Feels like it’s deep within me
Doesn’t really matter if you’re on the run
It seems like we’re meant to be

Chorus

Bridge:
I’ve tried to hide it so that no one knows
But I guess it shows
When you look into my eyes
What you did and where you are comin’ from
I don’t care, as long as you love me, baby.

Chorus

Who you are
Where you’re from
Don’t care what you did
As long as you love me
(Repeat to fade)

 

…Interesting how a mainstream pop song in the 90s can hit me. I feel so lame. XD

Thank God this person does not know this blog. XD

Relationships and moving out

Currently working from home. One of the benefits I try to do once in a while. I only do this when highly necessary. Today was necessary because I had to go to the bank and change my address (About time I moved on from my old home) so I could pick up my own credit card which I feel is one step closer to my independence…as if my postpaid mobile phone, driver’s license and my trip to Indonesia was not enough.

Moving on.

I. Relationships – It’s only official if it’s on Facebook

I was never very public with my love life, unless it didn’t exist. For years hiding it had become somewhat of a habit to me. So when (for the sake of secrecy I will use a different name) Alex came into my life I wasn’t comfortable having a public announcement with our friends. When we broke up I realized that relationships may be just between two people, it needs to be acknowledged for it to exist. Even someone close to me who was in a secret relationship from her family still told her close friends or other people. Another case was when my friend’s boyfriend who was in a long distance relationship due to he was in the States cheated on her while they were still in a cool-off.  I still felt the girl didn’t know because, well…it wasn’t announced publicly.

Now that I think about it my life was screwed up many times in the past for keeping it a secret. But that’s in the past.

So I realized then that as much as I like my love life private (or at least avoid so many questions from my relatives) there needs to be some sort of acknowledgment from the public. So when Alex said yes…I changed my status.

It was a surreal experience, and I still feel strange when I see Alex’s name below my profile for the “In a Relationship With” group. But at least now people know and Alex has no excuse to find someone else, not that it will ever be a problem.

II- Moving out…far far away

I’ve lived in this country all my life, and I’ve never really thought about migrating. Studying and working abroad had always been definite, but to permanently move out from the land I grew up in always seemed difficult for me. I suppose it was all that nationalism crap that was ingrained into my head when I was a child. Another was the many people who left me behind when their families wanted to escape from this polluted and corrupted place.

Other than that, I have close ties to my family. Not all of them (hell a lot I can live without), but the people who actually took care and watched me grow. I owe a big debt to them and not seeing them for the holidays or what not just seems hard.

I always feel uncomfortable when people talk about migrating. Some due to selfishness, because one person gone is another person I have to live without, and another I feel like yelling “BUT THERE’S HOPE! THERE IS HOPE!”

My father has always been a big lover of public service and helping your fellow countryman, so I believe I will be here for a long time. But in the future, I wonder if ever will I end up in another country and living a life as a different citizen. Ironically Alex is due for a Green Card, so I expect sometime soon I will not be seeing the person for years. Ho hum.

For now, as I am on a bond at work and I have many things to fulfill here, I shall stay.

Whew. What a heavy read.

Had my blog “Analyzed”

martyrlifestyle.wordpress.com is probably written by a female somewhere between 18-25 years old. The writing style is personal and happy most of the time.

Source: URLAI

…Well…that’s interesting.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My message to the ever loving Yaya

Yes I felt the need to write it in this blog because for some reason I feel I become more eloquent in a blog than having to write it down anywhere else. My blog is gathering virtual dust bunnies.

To Jei, I apologize that you may have to translate this for Nang Iska so she won’t get a nosebleed. I’d use Filipino but I may get a nosebleed or just throw my laptop in frustration. >_<

~*~

Dear Nang Iska,

I’ve known you since I was around 4 years old and that’s saying a lot. However, my memories of you aren’t as many as the years we’ve spent together. What I do know is that you never fail to be such a loyal yaya. I remember you nagging me and Jei consistently to eat dinner even when I specifically said “Okay lang, hindi ako gutom.” Or when I would arrive early in the morning and she was asleep you would wake her up even if I was totally okay with just waiting until she realizes my presence. Looking back I have to smile at those days, and it’s going to be another wave of adjusting now that I know that part of my life when visiting Jei is about to end.

You had been there for my friend during the ups and downs of her life when others could not, ever since she was born until present day. She will probably thank you many times before you go, but I just want to thank you as well as the witness to 23 years of nagging and caring.

I hope you will be happy and stress free wherever you will be.

Goodbye Nang Iska. Take care.

Regards,

Me

 

My favorite mistake, and then some

I. Cherry Red

I’ve always wanted to color my hair.